rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
