I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
