That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
