Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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