OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My breasts were aching with rage.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
