mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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