Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
