It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
