I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
