Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
not ubering you a puppy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
