Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
