tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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