You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
