dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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