Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
