you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
