Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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