those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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