I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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