so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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