Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
