I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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