And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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