So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
