Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
