why didn't you poke me back
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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