Im at strip club and am horny
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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