We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
