I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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