Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sex in a hospital.. check
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
