I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize