She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
