Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
