I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
