What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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