So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
