Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
