yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
