STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize