Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
