remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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