Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
