covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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