Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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