I will die if light touches me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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