Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
