Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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