Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
