I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
