I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize