Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
