I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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