Someone shit on the floor
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
