Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize