So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
