Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think people are normalizing furries
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
