I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
