saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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