my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
