Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
