I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
