so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
