either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
