I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
