I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize