i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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