yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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