Its about making memories worth repressing
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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