The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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