Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
