matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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