You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
