Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
