i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
