gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
