ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
