Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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