i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're like the curious george of whores
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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