it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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