i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
