Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
