I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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