Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
