Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
