Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
