i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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