My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize