Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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