The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
