In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
