508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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